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December 31, 2005
here in chicago
so now here i am in chicago with five of my lifelong friends. i have to say it is beyond wonderful to go on vacation with long-time friends. it is like one kind of heaven intersecting with another. i was reading recently (a book written in the 70's by a psychoanalyst) about how people often dwell in separation and the cure for human ills is the breaking of that isolation. yesterday on the way up we stopped for lunch. i looked at the people in arby's when our storm of girls came in and even couples were looking around vacantly, as if deeply lonely. i believe there is an empty, icy feeling that only intentional community can break.
(i've been looking back at previous posts noticing how inconsistent i am with capitalization. i think it is the english-major-rebellion rising in me and as you can see i'm not doing much about it. i like to give my respects to ee cummings' influence when i can.)
but now i'm taking a break from the "storm of girls" as i stayed behind while the rest went to see "the family stone." i really needed to recharge and i'm really happy to be here alone for a few hours. i lit candles, drank tea, took a shower, read, and just felt free to hear myself think again.
cheers in the new year...!
Posted by tacyjane at 12:22 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
December 26, 2005
rediscovered favorite poet
for my senior quotes, i included these lovely words from Conrad Aiken, intended meaning being my expression of love for fifth north. actually, i just wanted to put these words in the yearbook because they're so beautiful.
"Music I heard with you was more than music. Bread I broke with you was more than bread."
Aiken is a modern poet (1889-1973). When he was eleven, he found the bodies of his parents after his father shot his mother and then committed suicide. His wells ran deep.
My new favorite poem by Aiken is "Morning Song of Senlin." I want to memorize it. Here is an excerpt of this poem: (one may notice a line indicating that Madeleine L'Engle was also a fan of Conrad Aiken).
It is morning, Senlin says, and in the morning
When the light drips through the shutters like the dew
I arise, I face the sunrise.
And do the things my father learned to do.
Stars in the purple dusk above the rooftops
Pale in a saffron mist and seem to die,
And I myself on a swiftly tilting planet
Stand before a glass and tie my tie.
Vine leaves tap my window,
Dew drips sing to the garden stones,
The robin chirps in the chinaberry tree
Repeating three clear tones.
It is morning, I stand by the mirror
And tie my tie once more.
While waves far off in a pale rose twilight
Crash on a coral shore.
I stand by the mirror and comb my hair:
how small and white my face!
The green earth tilts through a sphere of air
And bathes in a flame of space.
There are houses hanging above the stars
And stars hung under a sea.
And a sun far off in a shell of silence
Dapples my walls for me.
It is morning, Senlin says, and in the morning
Should I not pause in the light to remember god?
Upright and firm I stand on a star unstable,
He is immense and lonely as a cloud.
I will dedicate this moment before my mirro
To him alone, for him I will comb my hair.
Accept these humble offerings, cloud of silence!
I will think of you as I descend the stair.
Vine leaves tap my window,
The snail track shines on the stones
Dew-drops flash from the chinaberry tree
Repeating two clear tones.
That's not the whole poem - but I encourage one and all to find it and read all of it. I like the idea of standing before a mirror inside, pondering the vastness of our planet, and its contrast to a small personal sphere of daily life. His voice adds music to natural, beautiful images: what poetry should be.
Posted by tacyjane at 12:40 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
December 25, 2005
greyfriars is the best medicine
my dad knows the secret to christmas bliss: kenya and guatemala for my mom and i. we took out the krogers and put that stuff in the percolator fresh out of its wrapping.
my dad's mother, granny b, spend the night with us. She's 91. we all went to the christmas eve service last night and were waiting quietly outside the back sanctuary door and my dad is trying to peek in the choir loft door. She says, "What's the matter, Henry? Can't get the door open? KNOCK IT DOWN." I love looking at my little brother in these moments because he barely suppresses his outbursts of shock and laughter.
granny b was a hoot this morning opening presents. her very loud tone of voice makes everything she says comical. she opened some boxes of herbal tea and proceeded to read the entire blurb on the back of sleepytime: all about snuggling with the pillow and cheesy, sentimental stuff meant to put you to sleep. when she finished several minutes later she said, "It says 'Makes you Sleepy.' then she said, "these days i can't drink anything that will keep me AWAKE. i won't have to spend any time snuggling with the pillow- i'll just go TAP on the pillow and i'll be out."
Posted by tacyjane at 03:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 23, 2005
daily life
Here is the funniest Jack Black skit from SNL last week. Of course Jack isn't the funniest character in this video... his alter-ego is.
I promised to write more frequently over break. Yesterday I drove around the mountain with my very fifteen-year-old brother, delivering the neighbor's Christmas spiced tea (this stuff is like instant heaven... like cider but tangier). It is tradition that Eric and I deliver these every year for my Mom. Eric and I enjoy cruising and listening to toons while we visit the mailboxes and sometimes the front doors around the mountain.
Then my friend Keri drove up from Birmingham to spend the day with friends. She watched me get my hair cut and we talked and drank coke while Ana Maria got her hair cut. Then we went back to my house and she watched me paint trees, while we talked about gay bosses in Boston and old friends.
I went home for the best hamburgers I've had in a long time. We ate them on Great Harvest white rolls and put cheese and steak spice on them with fresh spinach and mayo. I went back to my st. elmo house to visit with friends and I felt very tired. I was sorry to be so tired. But I slept very well last night for the first time all week.
Today my family leaves for Nashville to see my Mom's family. My Mom is of course full of energy. I like seeing her this way. I guess I never realized before how her family gives her such energy.
Posted by tacyjane at 01:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
spelling bee
http://img-nex.kongisking.net/kong/movies/121705-SNLJackBlack9.mov
Posted by tacyjane at 01:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 18, 2005
kong song
http://img-nex.kongisking.net/kong/movies/121705-SNLJackBlack1.mov
Posted by tacyjane at 11:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
being honest
i've decided to post almost every day over Christmas break. i decided that i want to do this because i want to keep a log of everything that i do, lowen-style (more about doing, less about reflection and response). i want to know that i have done something over break.
i'm not promising absolute daily-ness. but i am going to try very hard.
tonight i watched "spring, summer, fall, winter....and spring" with ben and ana maria. i think it was japanese. (i got thrown off because it was made by a korean film company). it was about a boy who is raised by a zen master. he is prone to mischief and he learns many lessons in life the hard way. at the beginning the boy ties rocks to creatures and laughs when they struggle and suffer. the master ties a rock to the boy's back while he is sleeping and he makes the boy find the fish, frog, and snake that are pulling rocks, and the fish and the snake are dead. the boy cries. i think that was the best part of the film. the movie is metaphorical for the seasons of life and the beauty of the film is arresting. it is good for me to be submersed in eastern ideas because i understand little.
i feel irrational sadness during change (going on break). but i am trying not to be reflective so i will stop.
Posted by tacyjane at 10:08 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
December 13, 2005
MUSIQUE OPINIONS
Best new band: The Modern Skirts
Most Overrated: Bright Eyes (he is NOT a genius, OKAY???) / Iron & Wine (sorry)
Most Underrated in my community: Pinback
Best Cheesy Song of the semester: Relient K "Be My Escape"
Best Overplayed Song: Pinback "Loro"
Most Touching Song:Sufjan Stevens' "That Was the Worst Christmas Ever"
epilogue: best book of the semester: Alan Paton's Too Late the Phalarope
Posted by tacyjane at 04:21 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
the times are a changing
Because my brother popped the question (i accidently wrote pooped the question first) yesterday. AND HE'S, WELL, ENGAGED.
Felicidades, Imelda and Evan.
Posted by tacyjane at 11:02 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
December 08, 2005
a writer's life for me
i wish that i could have a writer's life without having to be a pirate... er, writer. this morning i woke up and went to starbucks (WHERE THEY DON"T HAVE FREE WIRELESS=JUST LIKE BARNES AND NOBLE=CORPORATE FREAKING SLOBS! i like your coffee!) and took it away from that Free wireless-forsaken place, in order to envelop my car in the fumes of coffee.
i came to the library with my laptop, where i surrounded my typepad with stacks of books from contemporary lit, pages of notes, hot coffee, my headphones, and a pencil and composition book for any needs i may have for real writing substance. gosh i love this! i listened to some relient k (which i haven't done in years) on covenant's shared folders-- thanks alexis, whoever you are. i am your user.
anyway. the actual writing part has been less fulfilling than the setting up of my atmosphere. but eventually these things will reverse themselves.
Posted by tacyjane at 04:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack