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December 29, 2004
garden state
i saw garden state tonight. at last. i don't know what to say about it except, i felt something. and i rarely if EVER feel anything right now. so that was good. i did not feel anything in life aquatic, but then again, i was with someone who was not enjoying it. i knew the exact points at which to laugh. i was not sure when to feel anything though.
i don't like contrived. but i DO like real people who know they're contrived, like Sam in garden state. the role was waiting for natalie portman. she took herself seriously and then knew when to mock her own persona.
the purpose and role of intimacy was what made the movie profound, though the aspect of death made the movie tougher and weightier and more memorable. the subtelty and creativity (a version of humor) were appealing on several counts that strike me harder than anderson's dryness and his version of subtlety. but that's just tonight's thought.
i am tired and the feeling of feeling something is fading.
i'd put my tears in a scrapbook if i had one...
Posted by tacyjane at 11:41 PM | Comments (3)
December 24, 2004
Hope's Musings
My friend Hope's musings about Christmas:
Nothing smells like Christmas more then ribs. While in India I missed the 4th of July. For the Davis family it is like a Kaufmann Thanksgiving or a Linnea and William LOR playacting. The 4th is saturated in good and all things Davis including: pounds upon pounds of beef, Cornbread made with pulled pork, watermelons ripe with liquor, pies and cakes, water, fireworks, and to the joy of many fifth north's game. So on July 4th 2004 I keenly felt the loss of my family as I sang our national anthoum while watching a welder's lights.
This Christmas season nothing has really brought me in the mood. This mourning when I got up after reading in bed for several hours it hit me that the 4th was here. (Que Christmas music and John Denver-like voice for the mental reading of the next passage) What Christmas was all about hit me. The past has been redeemed and joy is coming. My joy will be hot KC style ribs shared by a family I love but don't know well.
I keep wanting to make Christmas perfect or what it once was for me. My families inablity to keep tradishions doesn't matter they bring me joy without trying. They all love so well without effort. Screw the X-mas tree or lack of it for today I eat ribs!
I echo Hope's desire to make Christmas perfect like it once was. This has been a day of difficult re-creation. We attempt to get in the Christmas mood/spirit. Is holiday a mood or a whim of spirits? Does egg nog characteristically bring "joy" when compounded with a fire, a tree, and stockings? Today it has been slow coming. Years of transition make holidays feel stiff and tilted. I am with a family I have exchanged for friends for most of the year, why do I not celebrate with that family? Should celebration be a package of traditions that one can never outgrow or pass over? Why does it feel stale some years and bold and new other years? Is it my lack of memory for what it's worth?
Here is today's attempt to grasp the memory:
stay near the bundled son to hear
the whisp'ring angels soft and clear
stop to see the cradle bed
the golden hay lights up his head
peer up to see the bethlehem star
and tip the light from here to far
Christ is nature burning bright
so bring the torch into this night.
He is early morning born
From heavens regal palace torn
Into a mystery of cows and sheep
His birth is mercy, rich and deep
With his cry salvation rings
Gloria the angel sings.
Posted by tacyjane at 05:52 PM | Comments (0)
December 23, 2004
barrel of cherries
And aren’t we happy for the days when we sit down quietly to make a list of what needs to be done the next day, and all we have for today has been accomplished. Then we look at our watch and the hour is young for today, and it seems that every day has piles of hours, piles of splendid hours that look like dark deep cherries in barrels.
Today is a piles-of-hours day, though sometimes our piles of hours look more foreboding, perhaps more like bulrushes in between us and the mirror-lake of living.
Posted by tacyjane at 09:03 PM | Comments (0)
December 08, 2004
Carols
here are some of my favorite lines from Christmas carols... they grasp the paradox we rarely attempt to express at Christmas.
random lines from Hark the Herald Angels Sing:
Glory to the Newborn King
God and sinners reconciled
all ye nations rise, join the triumph of the skies!
Late in time behold him come
offspring of the virgin's womb.
veiled in flesh the Godhead see
hail the incarnate deity.
Mild he lays his glory by
born that man no more may die,
born to raise the sons of earth,
born to give them second birth
from It Came Upon a Midnight Clear:
For lo, the days are hast'ning on,
by prophetic bards foretold
when with the ever circling years
comes round the age of gold;
when peace shall over all the earth
its ancient splendors fling
and the whole world give back the song
that now the angels sing.
What Child is This?
Why lies he in such mean estate
where ox and ass are feeding?
Good Christian fear, for sinners here
the silent Word is pleading.
Raise, raise the song on high,
the virgin sings her lullaby:
"Joy, joy for Christ is born,"
the babe, the son of mary.
From Lo, How a Rose:
This flow'r whose fragrance tender
with sweetness fills the air,
dispels with glorious splendor
the darkness everywhere.
True man, yet very God:
from sin and death he saves us
and lightens every load.
Posted by tacyjane at 02:32 PM | Comments (1)
December 03, 2004
When I was Less Cool
It is chilly sunny today, and I've seen some beautiful scarves. I once wrote a haiku about scarves.
I look at the scarves.
Passersby in the airport
seem better than me.
Style and fashion have come over me once or twice, I admit. I have heard their beckon and I have prayed to be holy in my stylishness. I have also prayed that the Lord would bless me because of my fashion. I got a job last summer and spent more money in one shopping spree to the Dalton outlets than I have ever spent by myself before, excepting a few instances of airplane tickets to England. When I actually had a wad of money to my name, I spent more than I had earned, and I suddenly felt the need for more than I had ever felt the need for before.
But so many of us try to be holy in our stylishness. But once or twice each day I paint my face and pad my frame in wealth, because "I want to respect myself" and "I want others to respect me." I feel less wanted when I am less painted. However, when I was "less cool" people liked me more. When I didn't care about prettiness I think more people looked at me as an equal rather than as a "scarf-wearer."
I think maturity, the altar-draw that collegiates fight, self-awareness, and insecurity have made me paint myself.
But I have run people off and run people out and asked them to leave for the sake of a good "fixing up." And that goes for other types of fixing besides prettiness.
Posted by tacyjane at 02:07 PM | Comments (0)
December 02, 2004
A Costly Psychosis
I give others the benefit of the doubt if they ask me to believe them, except when my own righteousness/ego/self-image is on the line. Then I am speaking to the chief of liars, no matter who it may be, Grandma, Uncle Steve, teacher, or counselor.
Posted by tacyjane at 01:13 PM | Comments (0)
December 01, 2004
my favorite weblogs
These are some of my favorite blogs.
The End.
Posted by tacyjane at 08:41 PM | Comments (3)